maria talks :: (877) MA-SEX-ED

Being gay is a normal and healthy way to be.

Hey guys, I’m Aimee. Maria asked me to help her out with this section of the website. If you need any additional information I put some of my favorite resources at the bottom of the page.

What Does Being GLBTQ Mean?
When people say GLBTQ, they’re usually talking about people who identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning and everything in-between. Since a lot of people identify themselves in lots of different ways, GLBTQ can describe anyone who doesn’t identify as “straight” or heterosexual.

I think I might be GLBTQ.
Discovering that you are GLBTQ can take a long time for some people, while others know when they’re really young. I always knew I felt “different,” but didn’t know why. When Maria started talking about crushes she had on guys, I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel the same way. It wasn’t until I learned about gay and lesbian people in health class that I could actually put a name to my feelings; and even then, I kept it a secret for a long time, until I was comfortable with how I felt.

Being attracted to people of the same sex as you can be confusing. But being attracted to both guys and girls can be even more confusing!! People think they have to pick one or the other, but the truth is there are tons of normal people out there who are into, and have relationships with both guys and girls. Some people call this bisexuality (being attracted to both guys and girls), while others choose to not put a label on their feelings…either way is cool, as long as it feels right for you.

You don’t have to be having sex to know your sexual orientation. There are lots of virgins that know that they’re gay, just as there are lots of virgins who know they’re straight. If you’re still unsure about your feelings, don’t worry…there’s no need to label yourself right away, or ever. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed of your feelings or how you express yourself sexually. Like being tall or short, blond or brunette, being GLBTQ is just another part of who you are. Ignoring your feelings just keeps you from discovering yourself.

Should I come out?
When GLBTQ people reveal their sexual orientation to someone else, it’s sometimes called “coming out.” The coming out process is different for everyone, and there are no rules anywhere saying that you have to come out to anyone. It’s a really personal thing that should only be done when you feel ready – not because someone else thinks you should. It’s important to “come out” to yourself before you come out to anyone else. If you’re not comfortable being GLBTQ, chances are you won’t be comfortable telling other people.

Everyone chooses to “come out” a little differently and no two coming out experiences are the same. Some people will only tell close friends and family at first and slowly tell more people as time goes on, while others will tell everybody all at once. Some people choose not to come out, (or to stay “in the closet”) their whole lives.

Coming out can be really scary, especially if you don’t know how people will react. You can try and feel out your friends and family first, but you don’t always know how someone will respond to you. There are some things you can ask yourself that might make the process go smoother for you. Before I decided to come out I made a list of questions to ask myself. Some things that I asked were:

Do you know what you plan to say?
How will you answer questions about your sexuality?
What might be the best time and place to bring up this issue?
Will your privacy be respected by the people you choose to tell?
Have you thought about what people’s reactions might be, both positive and negative?
Can you be patient with your family and friends if they need some time?
What kind of views do your friends and family have about GLBTQ people?
Do you have a support system you can turn to if it doesn’t go as planned?
Do you have a place to stay in case you need to get out of your house for awhile? (Some of my friends have gotten kicked out of their houses, while others have chosen to leave. This isn’t always the case, but it’s good to have a plan just in case.)

If you feel good about your answers, then you may be ready to come out. The first time is usually the hardest — just remember to BREATHE (seriously!). It usually gets easier the more you do it, and you will have to do it more than once. Remember, some people need time to process what you tell them, and others will accept you no matter what.

If you don’t feel good about your answers it may help to talk to someone about what you’re feeling. Here are some great resources you can check out:

Peer Listening Line: (800) 399-7337
Gay and Lesbian Helpline: (617) 237-9001
GLBT National Helpline: (800) 843-4564

Come out when you are ready. Not because someone thinks you should.

What can I do to show support for a friend who comes out to me as GLBTQ?
Most of us know someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender and you should feel good that they trusted you enough to tell you, because it’s not always easy to tell people. When I first came out to Maria she was really supportive and that made me feel really good (and a little relieved). Since coming out to her, Maria has never made me feel left out. She treats me just like all of her other friends (and why not, I AM like her other friends), she asks me about my relationships, we joke around and she listens when I need to talk about the latest drama in my life or relationship. Another thing she does that is also very important to me is that when someone says something hurtful or hateful, she says something back to them. You want to see Maria get really mad? Just call someone a fag in front of her or say something like “that’s so gay” and watch the sparks fly! Maria just won’t stand for that. And neither will I.

Ally
An ally is a person who identifies as straight (heterosexual), and respects, appreciates and supports others who may identify as GLBTQ.

Bisexual
Bisexual is a term used to identify a person who is attracted to and seeks relationships with people who are of either gender. This may or may not be related to sexual activity or behaviors.

Coming out
Traditionally, “coming out” has referred to the idea of someone being “in the closet” (meaning hiding who they are for whatever reason). “Coming Out” refers to coming out of that closet and no longer keeping how a person identifies a secret. Coming Out is the process of a person accepting their own sexual and/or gender identity. Coming out usually starts with the person coming to terms with who they are on the inside. For a lot of people being open about who they are and how they identify can be difficult, scary or even dangerous for whatever reason. Once they come to accept it and feel safe, often times (though not always) the next step is letting family, friends and other people know. This can be easy or difficult depending on the attitudes and how accepting this person’s friends and family are about such issues. Coming out is always a deeply personal process and often is a different process from person to person.

Cross Dresser
A crossdresser is a person who dresses in clothing associated with the opposite biological sex. Cross dressing is not necessarily related to sexual orientation, gender identity or sexual pleasure. Clothing choice may be different depending on the day or setting. A person may choose to cross dress only at certain times or in specific situations.

Gay
Gay is a term used in some cases to identify people of all genders who are primarily attracted to and/or seek relationships with another person of the same gender. Most often "gay" is used to indicate men who are primarily attracted to and seek relationships with other men. This may or may not be related to sexual activity or behaviors. Another term for gay is homosexual. Note: Some men who have sexual relationships or experiences with other men do not identify as gay.

Gender
Gender is an individual's self-expression of maleness or femaleness, which may or may not be the same as their actual biological sex. Gender involves more than a biological component of male or female, gender also includes social and cultural norms and gender identity.

Gender Expression
A person’s gender expression usually falls along a spectrum of appearances from feminine to masculine. Gender expression can include how someone chooses to dress, behave, and speak on a day to day basis or can refer to how an individual appears to others. Some people have a different gender expression than their gender identity or have different gender expressions in different situations. Gender expression is not the same thing as sexual orientation.

Gender Identity
Gender identity is an individual’s concept of their own gender. Generally a person identifies as male or female, although some people may not identify as either gender or may identify somewhere along a spectrum between male and female. This may or may not be related to an individual’s biological sex. Gender identity is unrelated to sexual orientation.

GLBTQ
GLBTQ refers to either someone who identifies as Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, or the community of people who identify this way. The term now includes many different sexual orientations so oftentimes people use this when referring to a group of people who identify as things other than heterosexual.

GSA
GSA stands for Gay-Straight Alliance. A GSA is a support group for GLBTQ youth based in high schools across the United States. Both GLBTQ and straight students are welcome at GSAs. Not all high schools in the United States have GSAs.

Intersex
Intersex is a term used for a person who has been born with genitals that are not clearly male or female. If an infant is born intersexed their parents may choose for the child to have surgery to change the genitals to make them look more like one gender or another. An individual may also choose to have surgery themselves to alter the appearance of their genitals. This is unrelated to sexual orientation. (Intersex people have also been referred to as hermaphrodites; however, this term is now outdated.)

Lesbian
A term used to identify women who are primarily attracted to and seek relationships with other women. This may or may not include sexual activity. Note: Some women who have sexual relationships or experiences with other women do not identify as lesbian.

Queer
Queer is a term used to identify many different people from the GLBT community which can refer to people of various sexual orientations and gender identities. Sometimes the term can be used by an individual who identifies themselves as GLBT. Others use queer as an alternate label for someone who does not want to specify an identity as either gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or straight, because it can refer to so many different kinds of people.

Questioning
Questioning is a term for someone who is not settled on how they are identifying their sexual and/or gender identity and is in the process of exploring and figuring out their sexual and/or gender identity.

Sex
Sex is biological characteristic that identifies a person as male, female or intersex. Usually determined by the genitals one is born with (penis or vagina). This may or may not be the same as an individual’s gender identity or gender expression, and does not determine one’s sexual orientation.

Sexual Orientation/Identity
A person’s emotional, social, psychological, and physical connection to the opposite gender (heterosexual or “straight”), the same gender (homosexual, “gay”, or “lesbian”) or either gender (bisexual).

Straight
Straight is a term used in some cases to identify people of all genders who are primarily attracted to and/or seek relationships with a person of the opposite gender. Another term for straight is heterosexual.

Transgender
Transgender is a broad term used to describe a person whose gender identity is different than their biological sex. This term includes a wide variety of people who express the difference in various ways. Some transgender people choose to have surgery to alter their anatomy to better fit their identity as male or female. Others choose to live as the opposite gender without altering their body in any way. Transgender is unrelated to sexual orientation.

Transsexual
Transexual is a term used to identify a person who has a gender identity which differs from their biological sex and who wants to change their body in some way to match their gender identity. Transsexual people may have genital reassignment surgery, use hormones, or change their bodies by other means to look like the gender they identify with. Often this term is used in medical terminology.

Fenway Community Health Center
A community health center for gays and lesbians providing mental health counseling, primary care, substance abuse treatment and HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment.
Peer Listening Line:
(800) 399-7337

Gay and Lesbian Helpline:
(617) 267-9001
visit site

GLBT National Hotline
(888) THE-GLNH (888) 843-4564
visit site

GLBT Youth National Talkline
For youth up to 25 years.
(800) 246-PRIDE (800) 246-7743
visit site

BAGLY INC.
A resource for Boston-area gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth.
(617) 227-4313
visit site

Boston GLASS Community Center
A resource for Boston-area gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth and young adults.
visit site

BRAGLY
Brockton Regional Alliance of Gay and Lesbian Youth
A resource for Brockton area gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth.
visit site

SWAGLY
Worcester Gay and Lesbian Youth
A resource for Worcester-area gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth.
visit site